Belijdenissen - Augustinus (boek VII)
The Confessions of Saint Augustine - Book VII
Chapter I
Deceased was now that my evil and abominable youth, and I was passing into
early manhood; the more defiled by vain things as I grew in years, who could
not imagine any substance, but such as is wont to be seen with these eyes. I
thought not of Thee, O God, under the figure of a human body; since I began
to hear aught of wisdom, I always avoided this; and rejoiced to have found
the same in the faith of our spiritual mother, Thy Catholic Church. But what
else to conceive of Thee I knew not. And I, a man, and such a man, sought to
conceive of Thee the sovereign, only, true God; and I did in my inmost soul
believe that Thou wert incorruptible, and uninjurable, and unchangeable;
because though not knowing whence or how, yet I saw plainly, and was sure,
that that which may be corrupted must be inferior to that which cannot; what
could not be injured I preferred unhesitatingly to what could receive
injury; the unchangeable to things subject to change. My heart passionately
cried out against all my phantoms, and with this one blow I sought to beat
away from the eye of my mind all that unclean troop which buzzed around it.
And to, being scarce put off, in the twinkling of an eye they gathered again
thick about me, flew against my face, and beclouded it; so that though not
under the form of the human body, yet was I constrained to conceive of Thee
(that incorruptible, uninjurable, and unchangeable, which I preferred before
the corruptible, and injurable, and changeable) as being in space, whether
infused into the world, or diffused infinitely without it. Because
whatsoever I conceived, deprived of this space, seemed to me nothing, yea
altogether nothing, not even a void, as if a body were taken out of its
place, and the place should remain empty of any body at all, of earth and
water, air and heaven, yet would it remain a void place, as it were a
spacious nothing.
I then being thus gross-hearted, nor clear even to myself, whatsoever was
not extended over certain spaces, nor diffused, nor condensed, nor swelled
out, or did not or could not receive some of these dimensions, I thought to
be altogether nothing. For over such forms as my eyes are wont to range, did
my heart then range: nor yet did I see that this same notion of the mind,
whereby I formed those very images, was not of this sort, and yet it could
not have formed them, had not itself been some great thing. So also did I
endeavour to conceive of Thee, Life of my life, as vast, through infinite
spaces on every side penetrating the whole mass of the universe, and beyond
it, every way, through unmeasurable boundless spaces; so that the earth
should have Thee, the heaven have Thee, all things have Thee, and they be
bounded in Thee, and Thou bounded nowhere. For that as the body of this air
which is above the earth, hindereth not the light of the sun from passing
through it, penetrating it, not by bursting or by cutting, but by filling it
wholly: so I thought the body not of heaven, air, and sea only, but of the
earth too, pervious to Thee, so that in all its parts, the greatest as the
smallest, it should admit Thy presence, by a secret inspiration, within and
without, directing all things which Thou hast created. So I guessed, only as
unable to conceive aught else, for it was false. For thus should a greater
part of the earth contain a greater portion of Thee, and a less, a lesser:
and all things should in such sort be full of Thee, that the body of an
elephant should contain more of Thee, than that of a sparrow, by how much
larger it is, and takes up more room; and thus shouldest Thou make the
several portions of Thyself present unto the several portions of the world,
in fragments, large to the large, petty to the petty. But such art not Thou.
But not as yet hadst Thou enlightened my darkness.
Chapter II
It was enough for me, Lord, to oppose to those deceived deceivers, and dumb
praters, since Thy word sounded not out of them;—that was enough which long
ago, while we were yet at Carthage, Nebridius used to propound, at which all
we that heard it were staggered: “That said nation of darkness, which the
Manichees are wont to set as an opposing mass over against Thee, what could
it have done unto Thee, hadst Thou refused to fight with it? For, if they
answered, ‘it would have done Thee some hurt,’ then shouldest Thou be
subject to injury and corruption: but if could do Thee no hurt,’ then was no
reason brought for Thy fighting with it; and fighting in such wise, as that
a certain portion or member of Thee, or offspring of Thy very Substance,
should he mingled with opposed powers, and natures not created by Thee, and
be by them so far corrupted and changed to the worse, as to be turned from
happiness into misery, and need assistance, whereby it might be extricated
and purified; and that this offspring of Thy Substance was the soul, which
being enthralled, defiled, corrupted, Thy Word, free, pure, and whole, might
relieve; that Word itself being still corruptible because it was of one and
the same Substance. So then, should they affirm Thee, whatsoever Thou art,
that is, Thy Substance whereby Thou art, to be incorruptible, then were all
these sayings false and execrable; but if corruptible, the very statement
showed it to be false and revolting.” This argument then of Nebridius
sufficed against those who deserved wholly to be vomited out of the
overcharged stomach; for they had no escape, without horrible blasphemy of
heart and tongue, thus thinking and speaking of Thee.
Chapter III
But I also as yet, although I held and was firmly persuaded that Thou our
Lord the true God, who madest not only our souls, but our bodies, and not
only our souls and bodies, but all beings, and all things, wert undefilable
and unalterable, and in no degree mutable; yet understood I not, clearly and
without difficulty, the cause of evil. And yet whatever it were, I perceived
it was in such wise to be sought out, as should not constrain me to believe
the immutable God to be mutable, lest I should become that evil I was
seeking out. I sought it out then, thus far free from anxiety, certain of
the untruth of what these held, from whom I shrunk with my whole heart: for
I saw, that through enquiring the origin of evil, they were filled with
evil, in that they preferred to think that Thy substance did suffer ill than
their own did commit it.
And I strained to perceive what I now heard, that free-will was the cause of
our doing ill, and Thy just judgment of our suffering ill. But I was not
able clearly to discern it. So then endeavouring to draw my soul's vision
out of that deep pit, I was again plunged therein, and endeavouring often, I
was plunged back as often. But this raised me a little into Thy light, that
I knew as well that I had a will, as that I lived: when then I did will or
nill any thing, I was most sure that no other than myself did will and nill:
and I all but saw that there was the cause of my sin. But what I did against
my will, I saw that I suffered rather than did, and I judged not to be my
fault, but my punishment; whereby, however, holding Thee to be just, I
speedily confessed myself to be not unjustly punished. But again I said, Who
made me? Did not my God, Who is not only good, but goodness itself? Whence
then came I to will evil and nill good, so that I am thus justly punished?
who set this in me, and ingrated into me this plant of bitterness, seeing I
was wholly formed by my most sweet God? If the devil were the author, whence
is that same devil? And if he also by his own perverse will, of a good angel
became a devil, whence, again, came in him that evil will whereby he became
a devil, seeing the whole nature of angels was made by that most good
Creator? By these thoughts I was again sunk down and choked; yet not brought
down to that hell of error (where no man confesseth unto Thee), to think
rather that Thou dost suffer ill, than that man doth it.
Chapter IV
For I was in such wise striving to find out the rest, as one who had already
found that the incorruptible must needs be better than the corruptible: and
Thee therefore, whatsoever Thou wert, I confessed to be incorruptible. For
never soul was, nor shall be, able to conceive any thing which may be better
than Thou, who art the sovereign and the best good. But since most truly and
certainly, the incorruptible is preferable to the corruptible (as I did now
prefer it), then, wert Thou not incorruptible, I could in thought have
arrived at something better than my God. Where then I saw the incorruptible
to be preferable to the corruptible, there ought I to seek for Thee, and
there observe “wherein evil itself was”; that is, whence corruption comes,
by which Thy substance can by no means be impaired. For corruption does no
ways impair our God; by no will, by no necessity, by no unlooked-for chance:
because He is God, and what He wills is good, and Himself is that good; but
to be corrupted is not good. Nor art Thou against Thy will constrained to
any thing, since Thy will is not greater than Thy power. But greater should
it be, were Thyself greater than Thyself. For the will and power of God is
God Himself. And what can be unlooked-for by Thee, Who knowest all things?
Nor is there any nature in things, but Thou knowest it. And what should we
more say, “why that substance which God is should not be corruptible,”
seeing if it were so, it should not be God?
Chapter V
And I sought “whence is evil,” and sought in an evil way; and saw not the
evil in my very search. I set now before the sight of my spirit the whole
creation, whatsoever we can see therein (as sea, earth, air, stars, trees,
mortal creatures); yea, and whatever in it we do not see, as the firmament
of heaven, all angels moreover, and all the spiritual inhabitants thereof.
But these very beings, as though they were bodies, did my fancy dispose in
place, and I made one great mass of Thy creation, distinguished as to the
kinds of bodies; some, real bodies, some, what myself had feigned for
spirits. And this mass I made huge, not as it was (which I could not know),
but as I thought convenient, yet every way finite. But Thee, O Lord, I
imagined on every part environing and penetrating it, though every way
infinite: as if there were a sea, every where, and on every side, through
unmeasured space, one only boundless sea, and it contained within it some
sponge, huge, but bounded; that sponge must needs, in all its parts, be
filled from that unmeasurable sea: so conceived I Thy creation, itself
finite, full of Thee, the Infinite; and I said, Behold God, and behold what
God hath created; and God is good, yea, most mightily and incomparably
better than all these: but yet He, the Good, created them good; and see how
He environeth and fulfils them. Where is evil then, and whence, and how
crept it in hither? What is its root, and what its seed? Or hath it no
being? Why then fear we and avoid what is not? Or if we fear it idly, then
is that very fear evil, whereby the soul is thus idly goaded and racked.
Yea, and so much a greater evil, as we have nothing to fear, and yet do
fear. Therefore either is that evil which we fear, or else evil is, that we
fear. Whence is it then? seeing God, the Good, hath created all these things
good. He indeed, the greater and chiefest Good, hath created these lesser
goods; still both Creator and created, all are good. Whence is evil? Or, was
there some evil matter of which He made, and formed, and ordered it, yet
left something in it which He did not convert into good? Why so then? Had He
no might to turn and change the whole, so that no evil should remain in it,
seeing He is All-mighty? Lastly, why would He make any thing at all of it,
and not rather by the same All-mightiness cause it not to be at all? Or,
could it then be against His will? Or if it were from eternity, why suffered
He it so to be for infinite spaces of times past, and was pleased so long
after to make something out of it? Or if He were suddenly pleased now to
effect somewhat, this rather should the All-mighty have effected, that this
evil matter should not be, and He alone be, the whole, true, sovereign, and
infinite Good. Or if it was not good that He who was good should not also
frame and create something that were good, then, that evil matter being
taken away and brought to nothing, He might form good matter, whereof to
create all things. For He should not be All-mighty, if He might not create
something good without the aid of that matter which Himself had not created.
These thoughts I revolved in my miserable heart, overcharged with most
gnawing cares, lest I should die ere I had found the truth; yet was the
faith of Thy Christ, our Lord and Saviour, professed in the Church Catholic,
firmly fixed in my heart, in many points, indeed, as yet unformed, and
fluctuating from the rule of doctrine; yet did not my mind utterly leave it,
but rather daily took in more and more of it.
Chapter VI
But this time also had I rejected the lying divinations and impious dotages
of the astrologers. Let Thine own mercies, out of my very inmost soul,
confess unto Thee for this also, O my God. For Thou, Thou altogether (for
who else calls us back from the death of all errors, save the Life which
cannot die, and the Wisdom which needing no light enlightens the minds that
need it, whereby the universe is directed, down to the whirling leaves of
trees?)—Thou madest provision for my obstinacy wherewith I struggled against
Vindicianus, an acute old man, and Nebridius, a young man of admirable
talents; the first vehemently affirming, and the latter often (though with
some doubtfulness) saying, “That there was no such art whereby to foresee
things to come, but that men's conjectures were a sort of lottery, and that
out of many things which they said should come to pass, some actually did,
unawares to them who spake it, who stumbled upon it, through their oft
speaking.” Thou providedst then a friend for me, no negligent consulter of
the astrologers; nor yet well skilled in those arts, but (as I said) a
curious consulter with them, and yet knowing something, which he said he had
heard of his father, which how far it went to overthrow the estimation of
that art, he knew not. This man then, Firminus by name, having had a liberal
education, and well taught in Rhetoric, consulted me, as one very dear to
him, what, according to his socalled constellations, I thought on certain
affairs of his, wherein his worldly hopes had risen, and I, who had herein
now begun to incline towards Nebridius’ opinion, did not altogether refuse
to conjecture, and tell him what came into my unresolved mind; but added,
that I was now almost persuaded that these were but empty and ridiculous
follies. Thereupon he told me that his father had been very curious in such
books, and had a friend as earnest in them as himself, who with joint study
and conference fanned the flame of their affections to these toys, so that
they would observe the moments whereat the very dumb animals, which bred
about their houses, gave birth, and then observed the relative position of
the heavens, thereby to make fresh experiments in this so-called art. He
said then that he had heard of his father, that what time his mother was
about to give birth to him, Firminus, a woman-servant of that friend of his
father's was also with child, which could not escape her master, who took
care with most exact diligence to know the births of his very puppies. And
so it was that (the one for his wife, and the other for his servant, with
the most careful observation, reckoning days, hours, nay, the lesser
divisions of the hours) both were delivered at the same instant; so that
both were constrained to allow the same constellations, even to the minutest
points, the one for his son, the other for his new-born slave. For so soon
as the women began to be in labour, they each gave notice to the other what
was fallen out in their houses, and had messengers ready to send to one
another so soon as they had notice of the actual birth, of which they had
easily provided, each in his own province, to give instant intelligence.
Thus then the messengers of the respective parties met, he averred, at such
an equal distance from either house that neither of them could make out any
difference in the position of the stars, or any other minutest points; and
yet Firminus, born in a high estate in his parents’ house, ran his course
through the gilded paths of life, was increased in riches, raised to
honours; whereas that slave continued to serve his masters, without any
relaxation of his yoke, as Firminus, who knew him, told me.
Upon hearing and believing these things, told by one of such credibility,
all that my resistance gave way; and first I endeavoured to reclaim Firminus
himself from that curiosity, by telling him that upon inspecting his
constellations, I ought if I were to predict truly, to have seen in them
parents eminent among their neighbours, a noble family in its own city, high
birth, good education, liberal learning. But if that servant had consulted
me upon the same constellations, since they were his also, I ought again (to
tell him too truly) to see in them a lineage the most abject, a slavish
condition, and every thing else utterly at variance with the former. Whence
then, if I spake the truth, I should, from the same constellations, speak
diversely, or if I spake the same, speak falsely: thence it followed most
certainly that whatever, upon consideration of the constellations, was
spoken truly, was spoken not out of art, but chance; and whatever spoken
falsely, was not out of ignorance in the art, but the failure of the chance.
An opening thus made, ruminating with myself on the like things, that no one
of those dotards (who lived by such a trade, and whom I longed to attack,
and with derision to confute) might urge against me that Firminus had
informed me falsely, or his father him; I bent my thoughts on those that are
born twins, who for the most part come out of the womb so near one to other,
that the small interval (how much force soever in the nature of things folk
may pretend it to have) cannot be noted by human observation, or be at all
expressed in those figures which the astrologer is to inspect, that he may
pronounce truly. Yet they cannot be true: for looking into the same figures,
he must have predicted the same of Esau and Jacob, whereas the same happened
not to them. Therefore he must speak falsely; or if truly, then, looking
into the same figures, he must not give the same answer. Not by art, then,
but by chance, would he speak truly. For Thou, O Lord, most righteous Ruler
of the Universe, while consulters and consulted know it not, dost by Thy
hidden inspiration effect that the consulter should hear what, according to
the hidden deservings of souls, he ought to hear, out of the unsearchable
depth of Thy just judgment, to Whom let no man say, What is this? Why that?
Let him not so say, for he is man.
Chapter VII
Now then, O my Helper, hadst Thou loosed me from those fetters: and I sought
“whence is evil,” and found no way. But Thou sufferedst me not by any
fluctuations of thought to be carried away from the Faith whereby I believed
Thee both to be, and Thy substance to be unchangeable, and that Thou hast a
care of, and wouldest judge men, and that in Christ, Thy Son, Our Lord, and
the holy Scriptures, which the authority of Thy Catholic Church pressed upon
me, Thou hadst set the way of man's salvation, to that life which is to be
after this death. These things being safe and immovably settled in my mind,
I sought anxiously “whence was evil?” What were the pangs of my teeming
heart, what groans, O my God! yet even there were Thine ears open, and I
knew it not; and when in silence I vehemently sought, those silent
contritions of my soul were strong cries unto Thy mercy. Thou knewest what I
suffered, and no man. For, what was that which was thence through my tongue
distilled into the ears of my most familiar friends? Did the whole tumult of
my soul, for which neither time nor utterance sufficed, reach them? Yet went
up the whole to Thy hearing, all which I roared out from the groanings of my
heart; and my desire was before Thee, and the light of mine eyes was not
with me: for that was within, I without: nor was that confined to place, but
I was intent on things contained in place, but there found I no
resting-place, nor did they so receive me, that I could say, “It is
enough,” “it is well”: nor did they yet suffer me to turn back, where it
might be well enough with me. For to these things was I superior, but
inferior to Thee; and Thou art my true joy when subjected to Thee, and Thou
hadst subjected to me what Thou createdst below me. And this was the true
temperament, and middle region of my safety, to remain in Thy Image, and by
serving Thee, rule the body. But when I rose proudly against Thee, and ran
against the Lord with my neck, with the thick bosses of my buckler, even
these inferior things were set above me, and pressed me down, and no where
was there respite or space of breathing. They met my sight on all sides by
heaps and troops, and in thought the images thereof presented themselves
unsought, as I would return to Thee, as if they would say unto me, “Whither
goest thou, unworthy and defiled?” And these things had grown out of my
wound; for Thou “humbledst the proud like one that is wounded,” and through
my own swelling was I separated from Thee; yea, my pride-swollen face closed
up mine eyes.
Chapter VIII
But Thou, Lord, abidest for ever, yet not for ever art Thou angry with us;
because Thou pitiest our dust and ashes, and it was pleasing in Thy sight to
reform my deformities; and by inward goads didst Thou rouse me, that I
should be ill at ease, until Thou wert manifested to my inward sight. Thus,
by the secret hand of Thy medicining was my swelling abated, and the
troubled and bedimmed eyesight of my mind, by the smarting anointings of
healthful sorrows, was from day to day healed.
Chapter IX
And Thou, willing first to show me how Thou resistest the proud, but givest
grace unto the humble, and by how great an act of Thy mercy Thou hadst
traced out to men the way of humility, in that Thy Word was made flesh, and
dwelt among men:—Thou procuredst for me, by means of one puffed up with most
unnatural pride, certain books of the Platonists, translated from Greek into
Latin. And therein I read, not indeed in the very words, but to the very
same purpose, enforced by many and divers reasons, that In the beginning was
the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God: the Same was in
the beginning with God: all things were made by Him, and without Him was
nothing made: that which was made by Him is life, and the life was the light
of men, and the light shineth in the darkness, and the darkness comprehended
it not. And that the soul of man, though it bears witness to the light, yet
itself is not that light; but the Word of God, being God, is that true light
that lighteth every man that cometh into the world. And that He was in the
world, and the world was made by Him, and the world knew Him not. But, that
He came unto His own, and His own received Him not; but as many as received
Him, to them gave He power to become the sons of God, as many as believed in
His name; this I read not there.
Again I read there, that God the Word was born not of flesh nor of blood,
nor of the will of man, nor of the will of the flesh, but of God. But that
the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, I read not there. For I traced
in those books that it was many and divers ways said, that the Son was in
the form of the Father, and thought it not robbery to be equal with God, for
that naturally He was the Same Substance. But that He emptied Himself,
taking the form of a servant, being made in the likeness of men, and found
in fashion as a man, humbled Himself, and became obedient unto death, and
that the death of the cross: wherefore God exalted Him from the dead, and
gave Him a name above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee
should how, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the
earth; and that every tongue should confess that the Lord Jesus Christ is in
the glory of God the Father; those books have not. For that before all times
and above all times Thy Only-Begotten Son remaineth unchangeable, co-eternal
with Thee, and that of His fulness souls receive, that they may be blessed;
and that by participation of wisdom abiding in them, they are renewed, so as
to be wise, is there. But that in due time He died for the ungodly; and that
Thou sparedst not Thine Only Son, but deliveredst Him for us all, is not
there. For Thou hiddest these things from the wise, and revealedst them to
babes; that they that labour and are heavy laden might come unto Him, and He
refresh them, because He is meek and lowly in heart; and the meek He
directeth in judgment, and the gentle He teacheth His ways, beholding our
lowliness and trouble, and forgiving all our sins. But such as are lifted up
in the lofty walk of some would-be sublimer learning, hear not Him, saying,
Learn of Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and ye shall find rest to
your souls. Although they knew God, yet they glorify Him not as God, nor are
thankful, but wax vain in their thoughts; and their foolish heart is
darkened; professing that they were wise, they became fools.
And therefore did I read there also, that they had changed the glory of Thy
incorruptible nature into idols and divers shapes, into the likeness of the
image of corruptible man, and birds, and beasts, and creeping things;
namely, into that Egyptian food for which Esau lost his birthright, for that
Thy first-born people worshipped the head of a four-footed beast instead of
Thee; turning in heart back towards Egypt; and bowing Thy image, their own
soul, before the image of a calf that eateth hay. These things found I here,
but I fed not on them. For it pleased Thee, O Lord, to take away the
reproach of diminution from Jacob, that the elder should serve the younger:
and Thou calledst the Gentiles into Thine inheritance. And I had come to
Thee from among the Gentiles; and I set my mind upon the gold which Thou
willedst Thy people to take from Egypt, seeing Thine it was, wheresoever it
were. And to the Athenians Thou saidst by Thy Apostle, that in Thee we live,
move, and have our being, as one of their own poets had said. And verily
these books came from thence. But I set not my mind on the idols of Egypt,
whom they served with Thy gold, who changed the truth of God into a lie, and
worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator.
Chapter X
And being thence admonished to return to myself, I entered even into my
inward self, Thou being my Guide: and able I was, for Thou wert become my
Helper. And I entered and beheld with the eye of my soul (such as it was),
above the same eye of my soul, above my mind, the Light Unchangeable. Not
this ordinary light, which all flesh may look upon, nor as it were a greater
of the same kind, as though the brightness of this should be manifold
brighter, and with its greatness take up all space. Not such was this light,
but other, yea, far other from these. Nor was it above my soul, as oil is
above water, nor yet as heaven above earth: but above to my soul, because It
made me; and I below It, because I was made by It. He that knows the Truth,
knows what that Light is; and he that knows It, knows eternity. Love knoweth
it. O Truth Who art Eternity! and Love Who art Truth! and Eternity Who art
Love! Thou art my God, to Thee do I sigh night and day. Thee when I first
knew, Thou liftedst me up, that I might see there was what I might see, and
that I was not yet such as to see. And Thou didst beat back the weakness of
my sight, streaming forth Thy beams of light upon me most strongly, and I
trembled with love and awe: and I perceived myself to be far off from Thee,
in the region of unlikeness, as if I heard this Thy voice from on high: “I
am the food of grown men, grow, and thou shalt feed upon Me; nor shalt thou
convert Me, like the food of thy flesh into thee, but thou shalt be
converted into Me.” And I learned, that Thou for iniquity chastenest man,
and Thou madest my soul to consume away like a spider. And I said, “Is Truth
therefore nothing because it is not diffused through space finite or
infinite?” And Thou criedst to me from afar: “Yet verily, I AM that I AM.”
And I heard, as the heart heareth, nor had I room to doubt, and I should
sooner doubt that I live than that Truth is not, which is clearly seen,
being understood by those things which are made. And I beheld the other
things below Thee, and I perceived that they neither altogether are, nor
altogether are not, for they are, since they are from Thee, but are not,
because they are not what Thou art. For that truly is which remains
unchangeably. It is good then for me to hold fast unto God; for if I remain
not in Him, I cannot in myself; but He remaining in Himself, reneweth all
things. And Thou art the Lord my God, since Thou standest not in need of my
goodness.
Chapter XI
And I viewed the other things below Thee, and perceived that they neither
altogether are, nor altogether are not. They are, indeed, because thay are
from Thee; but are not, because they are not what Thou art. For that truly
is which remains immutably.2 It is good then, for me to cleave unto God,3
for if I remain not in Him, neither shall I in myself; but He, remaining in
Himself, reneweth all things.4 And Thou art the Lord my God, since Thou
standest not in need of my gooodness.5
Chapter XII
And it was manifested unto me, that those things be good which yet are
corrupted; which neither were they sovereignly good, nor unless they were
good could he corrupted: for if sovereignly good, they were incorruptible,
if not good at all, there were nothing in them to be corrupted. For
corruption injures, but unless it diminished goodness, it could not injure.
Either then corruption injures not, which cannot be; or which is most
certain, all which is corrupted is deprived of good. But if they he deprived
of all good, they shall cease to be. For if they shall be, and can now no
longer he corrupted, they shall be better than before, because they shall
abide incorruptibly. And what more monstrous than to affirm things to become
better by losing all their good? Therefore, if they shall be deprived of all
good, they shall no longer be. So long therefore as they are, they are good:
therefore whatsoever is, is good. That evil then which I sought, whence it
is, is not any substance: for were it a substance, it should be good. For
either it should be an incorruptible substance, and so a chief good: or a
corruptible substance; which unless it were good, could not be corrupted. I
perceived therefore, and it was manifested to me that Thou madest all things
good, nor is there any substance at all, which Thou madest not; and for that
Thou madest not all things equal, therefore are all things; because each is
good, and altogether very good, because our God made all things very good.
Chapter XIII
And to Thee is nothing whatsoever evil: yea, not only to Thee, but also to
Thy creation as a whole, because there is nothing without, which may break
in, and corrupt that order which Thou hast appointed it. But in the parts
thereof some things, because unharmonising with other some, are accounted
evil: whereas those very things harmonise with others, and are good; and in
themselves are good. And all these things which harmonise not together, do
yet with the inferior part, which we call Earth, having its own cloudy and
windy sky harmonising with it. Far be it then that I should say, “These
things should not be”: for should I see nought but these, I should indeed
long for the better; but still must even for these alone praise Thee; for
that Thou art to be praised, do show from the earth, dragons, and all deeps,
fire, hail, snow, ice, and stormy wind, which fulfil Thy word; mountains,
and all hills, fruitful trees, and all cedars; beasts, and all cattle,
creeping things, and flying fowls; kings of the earth, and all people,
princes, and all judges of the earth; young men and maidens, old men and
young, praise Thy Name. But when, from heaven, these praise Thee, praise
Thee, our God, in the heights all Thy angels, all Thy hosts, sun and moon,
all the stars and light, the Heaven of heavens, and the waters that be above
the heavens, praise Thy Name; I did not now long for things better, because
I conceived of all: and with a sounder judgment I apprehended that the
things above were better than these below, but altogether better than those
above by themselves.
Chapter XIV
There is no soundness in them, whom aught of Thy creation displeaseth: as
neither in me, when much which Thou hast made, displeased me. And because my
soul durst not be displeased at my God, it would fain not account that
Thine, which displeased it. Hence it had gone into the opinion of two
substances, and had no rest, but talked idly. And returning thence, it had
made to itself a God, through infinite measures of all space; and thought it
to be Thee, and placed it in its heart; and had again become the temple of
its own idol, to Thee abominable. But after Thou hadst soothed my head,
unknown to me, and closed mine eyes that they should not behold vanity, I
ceased somewhat of my former self, and my frenzy was lulled to sleep; and I
awoke in Thee, and saw Thee infinite, but in another way, and this sight was
not derived from the flesh.
Chapter XV
And I looked back on other things; and I saw that they owed their being to
Thee; and were all bounded in Thee: but in a different way; not as being in
space; but because Thou containest all things in Thine hand in Thy Truth;
and all things are true so far as they nor is there any falsehood, unless
when that is thought to be, which is not. And I saw that all things did
harmonise, not with their places only, but with their seasons. And that
Thou, who only art Eternal, didst not begin to work after innumerable spaces
of times spent; for that all spaces of times, both which have passed, and
which shall pass, neither go nor come, but through Thee, working and
abiding.
Chapter XVI
And I perceived and found it nothing strange, that bread which is pleasant
to a healthy palate is loathsome to one distempered: and to sore eyes light
is offensive, which to the sound is delightful. And Thy righteousness
displeaseth the wicked; much more the viper and reptiles, which Thou hast
created good, fitting in with the inferior portions of Thy Creation, with
which the very wicked also fit in; and that the more, by how much they be
unlike Thee; but with the superior creatures, by how much they become more
like to Thee. And I enquired what iniquity was, and found it to be
substance, but the perversion of the will, turned aside from Thee, O God,
the Supreme, towards these lower things, and casting out its bowels, and
puffed up outwardly.
Chapter XVII
And I wondered that I now loved Thee, and no phantasm for Thee. And yet did
I not press on to enjoy my God; but was borne up to Thee by Thy beauty, and
soon borne down from Thee by mine own weight, sinking with sorrow into these
inferior things. This weight was carnal custom. Yet dwelt there with me a
remembrance of Thee; nor did I any way doubt that there was One to whom I
might cleave, but that I was not yet such as to cleave to Thee: for that the
body which is corrupted presseth down the soul, and the earthly tabernacle
weigheth down the mind that museth upon many things. And most certain I was,
that Thy invisible works from the creation of the world are clearly seen,
being understood by the things that are made, even Thy eternal power and
Godhead. For examining whence it was that I admired the beauty of bodies
celestial or terrestrial; and what aided me in judging soundly on things
mutable, and pronouncing, “This ought to be thus, this not”; examining, I
say, whence it was that I so judged, seeing I did so judge, I had found the
unchangeable and true Eternity of Truth above my changeable mind. And thus
by degrees I passed from bodies to the soul, which through the bodily senses
perceives; and thence to its inward faculty, to which the bodily senses
represent things external, whitherto reach the faculties of beasts; and
thence again to the reasoning faculty, to which what is received from the
senses of the body is referred to be judged. Which finding itself also to be
in me a thing variable, raised itself up to its own understanding, and drew
away my thoughts from the power of habit, withdrawing itself from those
troops of contradictory phantasms; that so it might find what that light was
whereby it was bedewed, when, without all doubting, it cried out, “That the
unchangeable was to be preferred to the changeable”; whence also it knew
That Unchangeable, which, unless it had in some way known, it had had no
sure ground to prefer it to the changeable. And thus with the flash of one
trembling glance it arrived at THAT WHICH IS. And then I saw Thy invisible
things understood by the things which are made. But I could not fix my gaze
thereon; and my infirmity being struck back, I was thrown again on my wonted
habits, carrying along with me only a loving memory thereof, and a longing
for what I had, as it were, perceived the odour of, but was not yet able to
feed on.
Chapter XVIII
Then I sought a way of obtaining strength sufficient to enjoy Thee; and
found it not, until I embraced that Mediator betwixt God and men, the Man
Christ Jesus, who is over all, God blessed for evermore, calling unto me,
and saying, I am the way, the truth, and the life, and mingling that food
which I was unable to receive, with our flesh. For, the Word was made flesh,
that Thy wisdom, whereby Thou createdst all things, might provide milk for
our infant state. For I did not hold to my Lord Jesus Christ, I, humbled, to
the Humble; nor knew I yet whereto His infirmity would guide us. For Thy
Word, the Eternal Truth, far above the higher parts of Thy Creation, raises
up the subdued unto Itself: but in this lower world built for Itself a lowly
habitation of our clay, whereby to abase from themselves such as would be
subdued, and bring them over to Himself; allaying their swelling, and
tomenting their love; to the end they might go on no further in
self-confidence, but rather consent to become weak, seeing before their feet
the Divinity weak by taking our coats of skin; and wearied, might cast
themselves down upon It, and It rising, might lift them up.
Chapter XIX
But I thought otherwise; conceiving only of my Lord Christ as of a man of
excellent wisdom, whom no one could be equalled unto; especially, for that
being wonderfully born of a Virgin, He seemed, in conformity therewith,
through the Divine care for us, to have attained that great eminence of
authority, for an ensample of despising things temporal for the obtaining of
immortality. But what mystery there lay in “The Word was made flesh,” I
could not even imagine. Only I had learnt out of what is delivered to us in
writing of Him that He did eat, and drink, sleep, walk, rejoiced in spirit,
was sorrowful, discoursed; that flesh did not cleave by itself unto Thy
Word, but with the human soul and mind. All know this who know the
unchangeableness of Thy Word, which I now knew, as far as I could, nor did I
at all doubt thereof. For, now to move the limbs of the body by will, now
not, now to be moved by some affection, now not, now to deliver wise sayings
through human signs, now to keep silence, belong to soul and mind subject to
variation. And should these things be falsely written of Him, all the rest
also would risk the charge, nor would there remain in those books any saving
faith for mankind. Since then they were written truly, I acknowledged a
perfect man to be in Christ; not the body of a man only, nor, with the body,
a sensitive soul without a rational, but very man; whom, not only as being a
form of Truth, but for a certain great excellence of human nature and a more
perfect participation of wisdom, I judged to be preferred before others. But
Alypius imagined the Catholics to believe God to be so clothed with flesh,
that besides God and flesh, there was no soul at all in Christ, and did not
think that a human mind was ascribed to Him. And because he was well
persuaded that the actions recorded of Him could only be performed by a
vital and a rational creature, he moved the more slowly towards the
Christian Faith. But understanding afterwards that this was the error of the
Apollinarian heretics, he joyed in and was conformed to the Catholic Faith.
But somewhat later, I confess, did I learn how in that saying, The Word was
made flesh, the Catholic truth is distinguished from the falsehood of
Photinus. For the rejection of heretics makes the tenets of Thy Church and
sound doctrine to stand out more clearly. For there must also be heresies,
that the approved may be made manifest among the weak.
Chapter XX
But having then read those books of the Platonists, and thence been taught
to search for incorporeal truth, I saw Thy invisible things, understood by
those things which are made; and though cast back, I perceived what that was
which through the darkness of my mind I was hindered from contemplating,
being assured “That Thou wert, and wert infinite, and yet not diffused in
space, finite or infinite; and that Thou truly art Who art the same ever, in
no part nor motion varying; and that all other things are from Thee, on this
most sure ground alone, that they are.” Of these things I was assured, yet
too unsure to enjoy Thee. I prated as one well skilled; but had I not sought
Thy way in Christ our Saviour, I had proved to be, not skilled, but killed.
For now I had begun to wish to seem wise, being filled with mine own
punishment, yet I did not mourn, but rather scorn, puffed up with knowledge.
For where was that charity building upon the foundation of humility, which
is Christ Jesus? or when should these books teach me it? Upon these, I
believe, Thou therefore willedst that I should fall, before I studied Thy
Scriptures, that it might be imprinted on my memory how I was affected by
them; and that afterwards when my spirits were tamed through Thy books, and
my wounds touched by Thy healing fingers, I might discern and distinguish
between presumption and confession; between those who saw whither they were
to go, yet saw not the way, and the way that leadeth not to behold only but
to dwell in the beatific country. For had I first been formed in Thy Holy
Scriptures, and hadst Thou in the familiar use of them grown sweet unto me,
and had I then fallen upon those other volumes, they might perhaps have
withdrawn me from the solid ground of piety, or, had I continued in that
healthful frame which I had thence imbibed, I might have thought that it
might have been obtained by the study of those books alone.
Chapter XXI
Most eagerly then did I seize that venerable writing of Thy Spirit; and
chiefly the Apostle Paul. Whereupon those difficulties vanished away,
wherein he once seemed to me to contradict himself, and the text of his
discourse not to agree with the testimonies of the Law and the Prophets. And
the face of that pure word appeared to me one and the same; and I learned to
rejoice with trembling. So I began; and whatsoever truth I had read in those
other books, I found here amid the praise of Thy Grace; that whoso sees, may
not so glory as if he had not received, not only what he sees, but also that
he sees (for what hath he, which he hath not received?), and that he may be
not only admonished to behold Thee, who art ever the same, but also healed,
to hold Thee; and that he who cannot see afar off, may yet walk on the way,
whereby he may arrive, and behold, and hold Thee. For, though a man be
delighted with the law of God after the inner man, what shall he do with
that other law in his members which warreth against the law of his mind, and
bringeth him into captivity to the law of sin which is in his members? For,
Thou art righteous, O Lord, but we have sinned and committed iniquity, and
have done wickedly, and Thy hand is grown heavy upon us, and we are justly
delivered over unto that ancient sinner, the king of death; because he
persuaded our will to be like his will whereby he abode not in Thy truth.
What shall wretched man do? who shall deliver him from the body of his
death, but only Thy Grace, through Jesus Christ our Lord, whom Thou hast
begotten co-eternal, and formedst in the beginning of Thy ways, in whom the
prince of this world found nothing worthy of death, yet killed he Him; and
the handwriting, which was contrary to us, was blotted out? This those
writings contain not. Those pages present not the image of this piety, the
tears of confession, Thy sacrifice, a troubled spirit, a broken and a
contrite heart, the salvation of the people, the Bridal City, the earnest of
the Holy Ghost, the Cup of our Redemption. No man sings there, Shall not my
soul be submitted unto God? for of Him cometh my salvation. For He is my God
and my salvation, my guardian, I shall no more be moved. No one there hears
Him call, Come unto Me, all ye that labour. They scorn to learn of Him,
because He is meek and lowly in heart; for these things hast Thou hid from
the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes. For it is one
thing, from the mountain's shaggy top to see the land of peace, and to find
no way thither; and in vain to essay through ways unpassable, opposed and
beset by fugitives and deserters, under their captain the lion and the
dragon: and another to keep on the way that leads thither, guarded by the
host of the heavenly General; where they spoil not who have deserted the
heavenly army; for they avoid it, as very torment. These things did
wonderfully sink into my bowels, when I read that least of Thy Apostles, and
had meditated upon Thy works, and trembled exceedingly.
